Winter Reflection

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As I find myself at the end of winter quarter, I find myself once again faced with a reflective post on growing as a reflective blogger and teacher. I feel that yet again, I have indeed grown as a blogger, but more importantly, a reflective teacher. Although I shy away from talking about specific examples of students in my class (I feel those reflections are more suited for my own, less public, brain), I do feel that many of my posts are reflective of how I am beginning to be contemplative of what my practice is starting out as and where it can go. I feel that I have also began blogging about things that I am trying to enter in to a conversation about rather than spew rhetorical nonsense from my head.

An example that I would like to point out is my post on Reaching All Students. I think This demonstrates my desire to deepen my perspective on my practice in two ways. One -- I am always looking for insight from others into their teaching practices. And two -- I am continuing to generate more questions from that information rather than saying "oh, that post was nice." and moving on.

I feel that I am also growing as a commenter in that I am questioning more rather than, again, spewing rhetorical praise. I feel a comment that demonstrates this growth was on this post on Goal Setting. Rather than saying, "Oh goal setting is so inspiring and lovely and great job -- keep it up." I took an antagonistic approach to this bloggers' thinking. I spoke of my own personal dread of goal setting, and challenged her to think about what she would do if a student shared my sentiment and refused to participate in goal setting. I realize goal setting can be a beneficial motivator for many people, and I'm not trying to convince her or others not to use it in their classrooms; I was just trying to get some thinking started about the true use of goal setting and what about those who don't find goal setting helpful.

I think I'll keep this one short and to-the-point and finish it off here. I hope those who have been reading my posts have also seen my growth, and I hope to see you on the other side of the new quarter.

Lesson Out of Context

Two of my cohort mates and I planned and implemented a science lesson recently to a class we had only observed for one one-hour lesson prior to teaching. It was an experience of mixed emotions and thoughts. Our lesson didn't crash-and-burn, but it also didn't go as well as it could. A lot of our issues I feel sprang from the issue that we didn't know the classroom nor the kids well enough to anticipate the nuances of our lesson delivery to these students in particular. We had little to no relationship with these students, and we had very little context for how our lesson fit with the overall unit and how the students had been learning the material. Had I known what the lesson would end up like with these particular students, I would have planned it much differently.

I'm not writing this post to complain nor am I looking to sit here and think of every single thing I could have or should have done differently. I know that in my own future classroom, I will have context for my students and my lessons. I will be able to have more wiggle room for adjustments and follow-up lessons.

But, I am also thinking about two other related things. One is the importance of getting to know your students to create a leaning environment that will work for each individual and for the class as a whole. Teaching this lesson really drove home through an actual personal experience of how much of an impact knowing your students makes.

Another important thought sprung from this experience is the thought of substitute teaching. Many teachers substitute teach every day, and I may need to substitute teach sometime in the future. In this situation, you will most likely get lesson plans given to you for the day. But what about knowing students and implementing those lessons? What about the emergency substitute situation where you are thrown in not knowing the students and without detailed lesson plans? These are things I am realizing I need to start thinking about if I am going to be a successful and wanted substitute teacher anytime in the future.

Pendulum part 2

Near the end of last quarter, I wrote about my constant struggle to decide between teaching middle school math or an upper elementary classroom in Pendulum. At the time that I wrote that post, my heart pendulum had begun to swing more toward being a classroom teacher; however, I am once again beginning to swing back the other way.

In one of my classes, we are reading A Sustainable Start: A Realistic Look at the First Year of Teaching by John Spencer, and I am also reading with a group Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire by Rafe Esquith. Reading these two books side-by-side has been helping me decide what kind of teacher I want to be. Spencer has been talking about teaching sustainably in the sense of not getting burnt out as a teacher. One should teach not like a firework, flaming in brilliance for a moment, but like a campfire, burning steadily for a long time. Esquith has been giving me aspirations to be a great teacher, but he has also been giving me things that would transform my career into a firework rather than a campfire.

In the way the Spencer and Esquith books are in conversation about teaching, so too are my thoughts about who and how I want to teach. I have become worried that my wanting to be a classroom teacher is more for the firework reason than the campfire sustainability. If I were a classroom teacher, I would aspire to be Rafe Esquith doing incredible things and changing kids for the rest of their lives. I would want greatness and aspire to teach 5th graders everything they need to know about life. While aspiring to be this amazing of a teacher is just fine for some, I think I would burn out within the first couple years as suggested by Spencer.

If I were to go the route of being a middle school teacher, I think I would be more likely to create a sustainable career for myself yet still aspire to great things later. I can still be a great teacher without changing the world in my first year. I will be able to teach the subject I love, math, without trying to force myself to teach subjects I am not as comfortable with. Don't get me wrong, I am not swinging back toward teaching middle school math simply because it would be easier. I am swinging back toward teaching a subject I love, toward a sustainable start to my career, and the ability to be a great teacher without forcing myself to be what I'm not.

Growing a blogger

 I feel that this quarter I have made great strides in becoming a real blogger. Rather than hemming and hawing about the most perfect topic to blog, I have been learning to just sit down and write about what's on my mind or what most recently caught my eye. If it ends up being a topic no one is interested in, no big deal. I get to think through my thoughts on "paper" and then talk about something else in my next post. I don't think any one post in particular can show my growth as a blogger because my style seems to grow and change with every post, and I think I still have a ways to go before I can consider myself a top-notch blogger with great ideas that everyone should read.


One resource that has particular launched great part of my growth as a blogger was the mathtwitterblogosphere introduced as a class resource. I've started following many of the math teachers' blogs, and I'm learning quite a bit about successful math classrooms as well as effective blogging.

I've also learned this quarter that shorter is generally better in terms of blog posts. Looking at other people's posts has made me realize that unless it's about a topic I am really interested in, it better be short and to the point. If not, I just most on to the next post to spend my time more wisely.

In regards to commenting on other people's blogs, I feel I've also grown in that aspect as well. I've started actually remembering that it should be a conversation rather than monologues on the same topic. I've started asking questions rather than only stating my opinion, and I've started commenting on things that I may know nothing about and am simply curious about. By trying to interact through a blog, I feel my posts and comments have been somewhat more interesting (or at least I hope so.)

I commented on this blog post a while ago, and was excited to have a thoughtful reply to my comment and questions. It was also interesting to hear her further thoughts about the building and her different perspective on what the building was about. In this post, I felt that there was a great dialogue between all the commenters and the original author. I feel like all of us contributed to each others learning and thinking in a way that wouldn't have been possible not that long ago. Finally, I hope that my comment on this post helped the author go from only seeing trying to reteach in the same manor as insanity to thinking more deeply of ways in which we can still reteach students but structure it in different ways.

I can see that I still have a ways to go in my blogging growth, but at least I can see some improvement from my past posts. Maybe I'll reach a point where I don't have to ask myself this question when I have a post idea...

Taken from this blog about "why to blog"

Pendulum

Many people ask me where I want to end up as a teacher and what grade I want to teach. Prior to starting my teaching certificate program, I would have said with confidence that it would be middle school math. However, I'm finding it more and more difficult to say with surety that this is where I will truly end up. Don't get me wrong; I am loving my intern placement at the middle school level. I only teach the subject that I'm most passionate about, I get to work with students who are starting to be able to have real conversations with an adult yet still have child-like wonder and silliness at times, and it seems to have more structure and control than the elementary environment. However, I am coming to discover things about my 5th grade placement that I have surprisingly come to love and want for my furtue career.

I have found that even though I originally picked middle school because I wanted to be able to have "real" conversations with my students, 5th graders are fully capable of having these kinds of conversations. In fact, they bring more to these conversations because they are just learning how to be a part of them and have not become jaded in the slightest by reality. They bring the element of fresh imagination to spice up conversations.

Other things that are starting to change my mind are the teaching of multiple subjects, being able to bring more fun into the classroom, having (slightly) more flexibility with curriculum, having deeper connections with your students because there are fewer of them, and having a connection with the students' parents. All of these things have begun the more drastic swinging of my mental pendulum toward upper elementary teaching, and I'm not sure where my preference will end up. Being only halfway through my program, there is a lot that could change my mind, and I could end up truly anywhere.

Practice Makes Perfect

As I get farther into my practice of student teaching, I am continually surprised by how much more difficult teaching is than it looks. Every Wednesday and Thursday I watch my teacher teach math to 7th and 9th graders, and I think, "I could do that, easy. I just have to do what he does, easy." During the last couple weeks, I've started taking over parts of lessons and have found out that it is not easy to emulate his lessons. I forget to say things I had planned on saying, I forget to show specific ways of solving problems, I forget to wait for the kids to be quiet before I start talking, I forget the students names (well, there are 150 names to learn), and sometimes I forget how to solve the word problems by the method I'm supposed to teach (oops). Although it is starting to get easier as I get more comfortable teaching, I'm realizing that it's going to be a less easy process than I was expecting...I guess that's why I get to have 6 more months of practice!

Day Six: Experiencing Organs

Today in class we got to see actual lungs, livers, hearts, and a brain. To be honest, it freaked me out a little, but it was also very informative and somewhat cool to actually see (and touch) the organs that are inside each and every person. Although I had been told that the brain is heavy, it didn't really sink in until I actually picked it up today. Similarly, seeing an extremely enlarged heart due to blood pressure and fat build-up had an immediate response in my head of thinking about the condition of my heart and what I can do to prevent my heart from becoming like that. I think if I had another opportunity to see/touch these organs again, I would opt out, but it was very informative and interesting to do it once in my life.

Reflection on Community and Inclusion

I have come to understand some of the true meanings of community and inclusion throughout this quarter and particularly through reflecting upon these readings within the last week. Christenson (2007) and Lyman (2001) both taught me that sometimes the toughest topics are the most useful to creating and strengthening a classroom community. They also gave me quite a bit to reflect upon and contemplate ways I may be able to use death, violence, or other challenging topics to advance education rather than try to keep them hidden. Sapon-Shevin (2001) brought about a fuller reflection upon all-level student integration within the classroom, and how it could bring about positive environments and change in educational settings. Finally, Harris (2001) and Beaton (2001) opened my eyes to the toll traditional discipline takes on classroom communities and feelings of inclusion. I know that I still have much to continue to think about and reflect upon, but I am glad I read these articles to give me a foundation for my thoughts as I move forward.

Standardized Test

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I stumbled onto this picture quote while I was wondering around the internet today, and it immediately linked to thoughts I've had about standardized testing. The tests assess kids in such a particular way that it could be related to simply testing on their mental ability to climb a tree. Kids who do generally do well on standardized tests come from a certain demographic in which the questions are written for, and  the way in which the core subjects are tests do not correlate with the way many kids understand and think about these topics. Furthermore, the scope and methods of the tests do not cover many topics and abilities important for becoming a critically thinking, problem-solving, functional human being. Even further still, each child learns, thinks, and communicates differently than other children, yet they are tested in the exact same way as all other children.

So, if a kid thinks creatively but grows up speaking something other than proper English, how do you think they will do on a test that is written in proper English, does not take into account creativity, and has incorrect answer options which would make sense in this child's mind? It's like trying to test a fish on climbing trees, who has grown up learning how to move and communicate in a way different than squirrels. This child will not do well on the test and spend years thinking that it is somehow worth less than other due to a score that shows nothing of what they are actually capable of doing and thinking.

I think that we need to do away with standardized testing and come up with more relevant, more complete, and more human ways of assessing children.

Where I'm From

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I am from acres and barns

owned for five generations

where weather patterns are important

I am from home improvements and projects

handcrafted in dad’s shop.

from the willow who wept

when the tree house fell out.

I am from lefse across the field,

from a blue Dodge colt vista

on two lane county roads.

I am from carsick family bonding,

from summer camps, enrichment,

and empty school hallways.

I’m from you two look so similar

and you look nothing alike

from old family recipes

made up on the spot.

I’m from you’re the light of my life’s

and singing before sleep,

from Lutheran quarrels

and suppressed emotions

with the family rifts they caused.

I am from music and instruments,

piano played by my mom,

from waking to Raffi

and afternoon spongebob

at every stage of my life.

I am from cats, chickens, and a rabbit

half gone to coyotes,

the other half to time.

I’m from corn fields camouflaging

barn kittens gone feral

and what it cost to get rid of them all.

I am from soccer cleats and turf shoes

injuries and proud bruises

at every time of year.

I’m from raspberry bushes in an orchard

separate from the garden out back.

From bonfires and fire pits

and the roasting of slugs.

I am from frog songs, train calls,

and silent starts in the clean air of the night.

Autobiographical Poem

As I was reading chapter 2 of William Ayers To Teach, I came upon the examples of autobiographical poems on page 40. The format for these poems is as follows:

First Name
       Three words that describe you
       Something you love
       Something you hate
       Something you fear
       Something you wish for
Last Name

I found the two examples of the kids' to be quite profound and revealing. They also created quite a bit of room for conversation between Ayers and the students which wouldn't have been available otherwise. Ayers wouldn't have learned or this "raper man" that one student was afraid of, and he began to see this student in a whole new light after their conversation turned to his brother being on trial for murder. While the student's main teacher had wanted to get rid of him because "His mind [was] wandering and he [didn't] want to work," Ayers stumbled onto the root of the problem through this simple exercise.

It bothered me that Ayers didn't talk about the other boy's poem though. The other example creatively used the three words in the first body line to read "flunky but funny" creating a sentence rather than a list of adjectives. It also had the line "I hate being whipped." What? What did that mean? Ayers didn't say anything about this child or whether he asked this child about his statement. I would be very surprised if Ayers had not asked about it, but he didn't even touch on it in his description of this exercise. I wanted to know more and find out what this child's experience with whipping was. Did he actually get whipped by someone, or was it a figure of speech for losing badly? I may never know.

However, this conundrum did not stop me from thinking about my own autobiographical poem. Maybe it will start a conversation, and maybe it wont. It will, however, enable me to reflect upon myself in a different way and provide insight for me to continue my journey to becoming a teacher. And also provide me with an example to use with my class when I use it in the future. ;)

***
       Awesome Ambitious Reliable
       I love creating beautiful things
       I hate close minded people
       I am afraid of spiders
       I wish for more time
******

The road is long

The road is long; particularly my road to teaching. My road has been relatively short compared to many others in my newly acquainted teaching certificate program, but I feel as though my road to teaching was longer than it needed to be. If I may begin to elaborate....

In junior high and high school, I toyed with many career options for myself, one of the forerunners being teaching. Being a math teacher seemed like a great choice for me in that I loved math, my favorite teachers were my math teachers, and I had a knack for teaching/tutoring others in the subject of math. 

So why did I go to college with my eyes set on a dual degree in architecture and construction management? 

First off, my beloved math teachers seemed to think I shouldn't go in to teaching. Not because I wouldn't have made a good teacher, but because teaching wasn't something they would have recommend to many, if anyone at all. Similarly, my mother, who is also a teacher, discouraged this career path because of the extremely poor monetary compensation of the profession.

Secondly, and somewhat connected to the first reason, was this societal notion that teaching was somehow not a high ranking or intellectual career. When I read this notion presented by William Ayers in To Teach (2010) just the other day was when I finally made the connection to this concept and how it had actually affected my career path. My math teachers didn't want me to teach because they thought it "beneath" my "skill and intelligence level" as Ayers says on page 18 of his book. Furthermore, I felt this pressure as well in my personal competitiveness with my sister who had chosen to pursue civil engineering. I wanted to show the world I was a smart, intellectual person by choosing a challenging and rewarding profession.

I reasoned that I like art as well as math, and the combination, therefore, would be architecture. Architecture would get me further in life and more praise than other careers I had 'previously considered.' 

So, after wading through prerequisites for the program, battling for admission to the architecture department, challenging myself with topics I pretended to be fully invested in, adding the intense dual degree in construction management, and avoiding the computer programs needed to succeed in the profession, I realized that the construction industry was far from what I wanted for my life.

I talked with my mother about my unhappiness and my regret for not going for teaching, and she relented saying that I should do what makes me happy; she finally gave me her explicit blessing to pursue teaching.

I finished my dual degree, researched certification programs, completed general knowledge prerequisites, was accepted to a program, and am currently in my first month of instruction.

Let's see where the road takes me now.